To Be, or To Become

When I asked some of my female friends about their ideal partner, I often get answers of similar flavor – “just be himself”. Similarly at work, sometimes my peers would also share about how they are, and if the company is not accepting, maybe its somewhere they need to be.

Have you also encountered such conversational path?

Like many of them, I do believe it is important to keep our core values and beliefs, and set boundaries to them. Without boundaries, it is very easy in the modern world of distractions and attention-seeking medium to sway us. But I would be cautious about the cliche of “just be yourself”.

Why?

When you adopt such as mindset of “it is who I am, I am being myself”, it is portraying a message that others’ ideas, opinions or suggestions do not matter at all. It is contradicting indeed, to set a boundary and still be open to others. Yet this points to an ideology that does not allow for room to expand and grow.

With caution, I am not inclined to use the cliche terminology of a “growth mindset”. Perhaps due to the bad taste from managers/people who hang the term by their tongue, and having actions that speak differently, expecting others to do the same so they can reap benefits from their work.

More closely related, it is the idea of being curious and to learn. Having the claim of being oneself, limits one’s adaptability and understanding of others. However, when you let go of the need “to be yourself”, you are open to have a balanced approach, and not let your ego or pride get in the way.

This is why I am now more focused on telling people who I aspire to become, rather than who I currently am.

What about you?