We live, we love, we strive

Throughout my adult life (or mostly in corporate), I have been wondering, and being asked the question on multiple occasions – Is it fact or fiction?

While organizations can boast about the amount of data gathered from their customers to be used as ‘facts’, customers’ own experiences and perception forms their own narratives. So do we as general consumers of information, news and data. To each individual who receives the information, we have our own perception on what are more true to us than not.

So do either of them count as fact or fiction?

Or are they just moving parts of storytelling?

Many of us grew up with stories with moral values, with the likes of the boy who cries wolf (to not tell lies), 3 little pigs (hard work pays off over time), or red riding hood (to not readily trust strangers). The interesting part of stories, whether they are factual adaptions or fictional ones, bring about certain truths that evoke the inner works of us. These stories not only captivate us with entertainment, and provide a what is the moral of the story learning experience at the end of the day. We then take these morals to form our own values and belief systems, on what is right and what is wrong.

Yet the question that adds another layer to the fact vs fiction tug-of-war is, interestingly, is this of truth, or false? While the truth and false is a contrast of black and white, the life we live in can hardly be all truth or false.

If stories have been captivating us since young, could we be gathering stories in our lives that are not necessarily truth/false, fact/fiction? Could they be fiction that we held onto the learning experiences that did not serve us? Or could they be actual experiences, and yet we took the wrong learning out of them?

A Life of Stories

I would like to believe that all experiences in life are gathered for our learning, and that each of them have in context, certain truths. They can be lessons for us to discover ourselves, about others, or about the environment we live in. And as we get more and more exposed to the huge world (now known most commonly as the world wide web), we have the tendency to compare, and start questioning our state of mind or situation. On the optimistic angle, it gives us something to hope for in striving to be better; From the pessimistic angle, it diverts us to an outward-in influence, being envious or self-critical, thinking we are less of.

Regardless of either, it probably means our values or beliefs have been compromised, challenged, or a better word, stretched.

Do we need to have an opinion about it? Or even, agree to certain influences?

In corporate life, many leaders have used the term of ‘growth mindset’, indicating that people with such a mindset will adopt changes, or be creative and push beyond their boundaries. There is truth in this. But what if despite all your avenues of ‘growth’ and creativity, you are met with power-hungry managers who just want to use your ideas at work? What if you have tried various ways and they did not advance due to company’s own red-tapes? What if you wanted to bounce certain ideas with your manager, and you have been told you are accountable without further input from him/her?

The most powerful stories are the ones we tell ourselves – Brené Brown

Brené Brown has an impactful way of saying things, and one of them that resonated well with me is how she likes to use the opening of “the story I’m telling myself is…” It gives us the space to tell others that we may not know the whole truth, and we are interested to hear from them their part, instead of pushing on our own narratives, and end up being passive-aggressive, or being absorbed in self-criticism.

Sometimes, we just have so many things happening in our monkey mind that we end up shaping our narratives that do not serve us, nor help others. We become a pain to be with, or we end up sabotaging the relationship with others, and with ourselves. The disconnect just keeps pulling away, instead of drawing closer. As time passes, we form the habits of disconnecting, rather than connecting to find our authentic self.

Fact or fiction, truth or false, they are experiences that produced a certain outcome, and they may or may not have been pleasant. If we were to hold on to the unpleasantness, the ones that make us feel bitter, unforgiving and that ‘everyone’s against me’, then we inevitable produce similar situations that we see ourselves going into.

What can we do instead?

In your ever-growing chest of storybooks, would you pick those that pulls you away and makes you feel lack, or would you pick those that serves and inspires you? That is a choice you can make. In most occasions, standing on own beliefs can seem like a display of determination (or stubbornness). But we do not have to agree with anyone to begin with, and definitely not in an instant. Perhaps we needed more time, we needed more convincing to ensure it aligns with our own values and beliefs.

And that is entirely ok. Life’s a journey of discovery, and you are your own explorer.