We live, we love, we strive

When I got into my first dedicated and long-term love relationship, I was posted the question by my girlfriend then – “Is it love or responsibility that makes people stay together?”

We were only in our early-twenties, so I had no clue nor an answer to give. We did debate for the fun of it, and I came to the conclusion that men are more into the responsibility rather than the more emotional aspect, love.

Many years down the road, this question pops up in my mind, in almost any of my relationships that I went into. Undoubtedly, this made me think if the lady in front of me, would eventually be the one I love and be responsible for the rest of my life.

But is it just love and responsibility?

Relationship Therapy

When Simon Sinek asked, “Do you love your wife? Prove it,” during his conversation with Tom Bilyeu, he wasn’t simply throwing out a rhetorical question. He was illustrating a powerful truth about love: it’s not about grand gestures or fleeting moments of passion, but about the consistency we show in our daily actions. Whether it’s in leadership, personal growth, or love, maintaining that consistency is what makes relationships thrive.

Starting a relationship is not the hardest part. Maintaining it is. The real challenge begins after the honeymoon phase when life settles into its rhythm and the daily choices we make, both big and small, define whether our love will flourish or fade. Relationships require constant effort, and that effort must come with a mindset that places your partner above everything else.

Drawing from my own experiences and relationship lessons, I want to share three key ideas that I believe are vital for a blossoming and lasting love:

Love Yourself First Is the Foundation

Self-love isn’t just a trendy buzzword; it’s the foundation upon which all healthy relationships are built. Yet, in today’s world, where self-care can often be perceived as selfish, it can be a struggle to fully embrace the idea of loving oneself. But here’s the truth: you cannot pour from an empty cup.

In the context of a relationship, self-love means having the psychological bandwidth and emotional stability to care for yourself first, so you have the energy and the capacity to give love to others. This doesn’t mean neglecting your partner or focusing solely on your own needs. It means ensuring you are emotionally, mentally, and physically in a good place so you can show up as the best version of yourself.

Do you see a better version of yourself in the relationship? Does your partner feel the same? In a relationship built on mutual self-love, both partners should evolve into stronger, more fulfilled individuals — a key ingredient for long-term happiness.

Love Your Partner Next: “Us Against the World”

As Simon Sinek wisely pointed out in his interview with Tom Bilyeu, you and your partner are a team. It’s easy to love each other during the calm, peaceful moments. But when conflict arises, that’s when true partnership is tested. In times of disagreement, frustration, or doubt, remember that your relationship is a union of mutual respect and unwavering support.

No matter how intense the argument or how deeply you disagree, you must stand by your partner’s side. This means defending them in front of others and making sure that no outside influence can break the bond between you. It’s about loyalty. When doubt creeps in, it’s crucial to confront it head-on. If trust is beginning to waver, communicate openly, honestly, and empathetically about your concerns before they fester into resentment.

Not addressing doubts early is like ignoring a small crack in a foundation — over time, it will erode the relationship’s integrity. The key here is communication: speak your truth, but listen to their truth too. Understand before seeking to be understood. If we approach each conflict from a position of teamwork rather than opposition, we transform every challenge into an opportunity for deeper connection.

Remove Expectations, the Silent Relationship Killer and be Hopeful

One of the most profound pieces of relationship advice I ever received came from Angelo, a colleague and fatherly figure. When asked how he managed to keep his marriage strong, he simply said, “Do not have expectations.”

The idea is simple, yet revolutionary. Expectations are the breeding grounds for frustration and disappointment. We all have them — we expect our partner to do certain things, say the right words, or behave in specific ways. But when those expectations are not met, frustration and disappointment sets in, causing strain in the relationship.

The infamous scene from The Break-Up between Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn encapsulates this perfectly. Their relationship, built on unmet expectations, disintegrates because neither communicates openly about their needs, and neither is willing to meet the other halfway. The buildup of frustration leads to a toxic cycle that’s hard to break.

While it’s impossible to completely eliminate expectations, we can focus on managing them by communicating openly and be hopeful with our desires. In any relationship, especially romantic ones, mutual understanding is the cornerstone. If one partner feels neglected or misunderstood, it’s important to discuss those feelings without turning them into demands. We all hope for a blossoming relationship where both sides are willing to stand by each other.

The best relationships are those in which both people are free to be themselves without the pressure of living up to a list of expectations. In the absence of rigid expectations, love becomes more fluid and natural, one where both are willing to sacrifice “I” and “me” for “us” and “we”.

Love and Leadership Have Shared Values

Interestingly, love and leadership share a number of similarities. Both require an unwavering commitment to the people you care about and a willingness to show up consistently, day after day. In leadership, the job is to guide and nurture others toward their full potential, building confidence and creating a space or environment where they can thrive. The same principles apply in relationships.

While we may not always be able to meet the needs of every person in our professional lives, in a relationship, your partner’s needs come first. It’s about genuine care, constant emotional investment, and providing stability — not just when things are easy, but especially when they’re not.

Just like a great leader builds a culture of trust, so should partners in a relationship. A strong relationship doesn’t just happen; it’s built through care, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to growth and support. To all of those, providing clarity when requested is the building blocks towards trust.

Building A Relationship That Lasts

Building relationships that stand the test of time is about more than just love. It’s about consistency, trust, and mutual growth. Self-love creates the foundation from which we can give and receive love freely. Standing by your partner — especially during tough times — strengthens the bond between you. And by removing unrealistic expectations, we create a more harmonious space where love can thrive without the weight of unnecessary pressure.

Relationships aren’t just about weathering the storm; they’re about thriving through it together. The question isn’t whether you love your partner today, but whether your actions tomorrow will prove that love in consistent, intentional ways.

In the end, relationships that last aren’t perfect — they’re simply full of effort, respect, and a willingness to grow together, one day at a time.

While I continue to work on myself in the areas for last relationships, what other advice have you came across that help in your relationship journey?