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In a world teeming with digital “connections,” genuine human relationships remain a cornerstone of personal and professional fulfillment. But building meaningful bonds isn’t just about exchanging words – it’s about nurturing trust, fostering mutual understanding, and creating a space where both parties feel valued.

Essence of Rapport

In building rapport, I took a page from the bestseller book by Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people”:

People you talk to, are 100x more interested in themselves and their problems than yours – Dale Carnegie

True connection begins when we step out of our self-focused narratives and invest in others. Think about the last time you had a conversation where someone made you feel truly heard – how drawn were you to their presence? These individuals aren’t just good listeners; they’re skilled conversationalists, often trained to ask questions that empower you to share more freely, turning casual exchanges into moments of profound connection.

Conversations aren’t a mere volley of words. They’re energy exchanges – a dance that strengthens bonds, especially when approached as a dynamic flow. While this exchange is vital with close relationships, it’s equally transformative in professional and social settings.

So, how do we ensure our conversations leave a positive impact?

Habits of Connecting

Humans are social animals and we want to connect meaningfully. This is not just a “connect” button on Facebook, LinkedIn or any other social media platforms, but an actual connection. Building authentic relationships requires adopting habits that foster trust and mutual respect. These habits include:

• Active listening without judgement
• Encouraging
• Accepting
• Respecting
• Trusting
• Negotiating Differences
• Supporting

Active listening without judgement – It is common for us to form thoughts and judgements while listening to another person’s thoughts, and sometimes jumping to a solution to “add-value”. Truly hearing someone means silencing the internal urge to fix or judge. Patience and kindness can transform even the most casual interactions into meaningful connections.

Encouraging – While we form thoughts, judgements and solutions, we end up looking at pit-holes that the other party could land in, and may fall into the trap of bursting bubbles, even when it derived from good intentions. The receiving party may not pick up readily that the good intentions are there, and may then feel demoralised from the conversation.

Accepting – Embrace their perspective, even if it differs from yours. The better way is to accept and receive the gifts of the conversation with all positivity before jumping into any good intentional, futuristic problem-solving mode.

Respecting – Recognize and honor their experiences and emotions, the other party’s vibes and their point-of-view, even though it differs from yours. When we formed our responses, it is commonly built on from our own experiences, not theirs.

Trusting – Believe in their intentions and abilities. Share concerns with empathy rather than imposing your views. Give the other party’s the benefit of the doubt. After we have allowed the party to stabilise, it could even be a different occasion, use the opportunity to share your thoughts with empathy, trusting that your good intentions are also well-received.

Negotiating the differences – When disagreements arise, focus on shared goals. Healthy dialogue values both perspectives. When one’s an avoidant, and another being abstract about things, it could be hard to do. The agreement must be a common goal, even though the execution could differ. This is where the differences are laid out in values and beliefs, so both can get what they want.

Support – Lastly, support means doing your part, not overstepping your own tasks. Offer your presence and backing without overstepping. Support means empowering others, not controlling outcomes—a concept beautifully illustrated in The Courage to Be Disliked.

In most cases, we generate animosity or unhappiness by pushing for what we want without considering what the other really needs.

Simon Sinek’s conversation with Trevor Noah demonstrated best when he talked about his experiences, primarily to the more intimate relationships with his good friends.

How we respond to good news in a conversation matters too.

The Power of Responding to Good News

Shelly Gable’s research highlights a simple yet profound truth: how we react to others’ successes shapes the strength of our relationships. There are four common response styles:

• Active-Constructive: Enthusiastically celebrating their joy (“That’s incredible! I knew you could do it!”);
• Passive-Constructive: Offering muted but supportive acknowledgment (“That’s nice to hear.”);
• Active-Destructive: Pointing out potential downsides (“Are you sure this won’t add stress to your life?”);
• Passive-Destructive: Ignoring their news to shift focus (“Oh, cool. Guess what happened to me?”).

Only one of them will make the relationship thrive and the conversation meaningful.

I am guessing you already know which one.