We live, we love, we strive

One of my favorite past-time is actually people-observing.

Sitting by a window or a bench, looking at people walking past, their interactions and how they might be feeling at that point in time. It is an interesting exercise to see how things are, not what it seems to be. But as I gather more experiences at work, the stories I start to build tend to be more elaborative, linking to a central idea perhaps.

Then I realised I am actively interpreting things.

When you have worked in organisations that have not been consistent with their messaging, the synchronisation between observation and interpretation can be drastic. On one hand, the messaging needs to help solidify any misunderstandings to deter from drop of performance from distraction. On the other hand, firms need to continue building strategic goals with momentum. And with all these, we tend to always look at our leaders for direction.

If only the direction was with clarity…

Observation without interpretation

One key trait in observation is how people see things, as it is, no fluff, no stories, no nothing – A book is a book, a laptop is a laptop, a person who is skinny is skinny.

However, with branding and stories constantly suggesting some sort of story to associate us with value, observation can hardly just be it. We often start associating all the things from our conversations, marketing messages, or advertisements to the particular subject.

What this leads to is a constant cycle of trying to understand what’s behind a certain rationale or decision, which led to the draining of energy and attention from the critical things in life, and this leads to constantly moving away from goals.

Observation with interpretation

Most of us fall into this category, because we are so good at associating things as we grow older. The experiences gathered, forms neural links in our mind and our emotions, causing re-enactment of past experiences or us investigating that it will not turn out the same as before (if negative), or it will or it should (if positive).

This is why when some of us cling onto a concept of “I should”, “he/she should”, “they should”, it becomes a direction of overstepping boundaries, expecting others to do what we thought to be. Some of this absolutely makes sense, such as listening to your devices on headphones/earphones instead of blasting out loudly to disturb others, not littering, not committing crimes etc.

Yet we must also accept that behind every action, is a positive intention. This allows us to forgive others, ourselves and make peace with our mental state.

Observation with positively-strengthened interpretation

During this period where I have spent more time listening to myself and assessing my inner thoughts/dialogue, I realised the downward spiral I was in – ousted out of job from a manager who blames anyone but herself, and from another who only hires his own race in management roles; laid off from company’s poor overall results and priorities management even though I achieved my revenue goals.

While they did cause inconvenience in my life, they are things that are beyond my control. But undoubtedly, I continued thinking about what if I have done this/that?

When I realised the stories associated with my thoughts are as skeptical things could be, I was afraid I might just be another energy drainer. While skepticism has helped me form a defense mechanism towards being taken advantage of, or in some cases, realising that certain events did reach outcomes I have envisioned, the interaction with people can become a draining experience if I were to actually speak my thoughts and observations with my initial interpretations.

The only way out is to listen to both sides of my thoughts, and strengthen the bright, positive side.

Sun child and shadow child

As I have spent most of my time reading and brushing my knowledge in trauma, and past experiences, I came across Stefanie Stahl’s “The Child In You: The Breakthrough Method for Bringing Out Your Authentic Self “.

She discussed the concept of how our shadow child accumulated the past hurt experiences and amplify them to protect us from future possible bad experiences. This shadow child has all the great intentions, to protect and to serve. But the only downside is, people in the society has little acknowledgement of one’s shadow child, especially in a capitalistic economy where things are all about economic growth. The lack of confidence, self-esteem and self-love etc, while open to empathy (or sympathy sometimes), often leads to one to tend to one’s own wounds, and feeling dejected.

The shadow child embodies our problematic imprinted characteristics: the negative beliefs and the resultant burdensome emotions. – Stefanie Stahl

The sun child, however, strengthens one’s resilience to always look for the positive, to be courageous, not brave, to be optimistic, not pessimistic, to know about our control and influence, not inaction. We gather experiences that build on the positiveness in life, and to look out for things that will serve us to be better.

The sun child represents the positive aspects of what we have gotten from our parents. It’s a metaphor for the intact part of our self-esteem. – Stefanie Stahl

A concept to strengthen resolution

One of the issues with social media is that it has a tendency to portray the happy moments, the parts when one made it, the elevated lifestyles etc. They are not bad to have, but when others start comparing their lifestyle, their at-present stage in life, they can become increasingly deprecating, cultivating the unsatisfied part of our mind.

“if only I…”

Comparison is really the killer of joy but why do so many people continue using it?

Companies use them as performance indicators, hierarchies; parents sometimes compare to what other children are doing; schools have rankings. Boy do we love rankings…

Comparison is the action of seeking recognition. This need makes others see us, and then gave us a label. But when things didn’t work out that well, there tends to also be a label to it…

This is when I believe the concept of the Serenity Prayer comes into:

“O God and Heavenly Father, grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed, courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other”

Accept the things that cannot be changed, and courage to change what can be. And this often boils down to only one factor – ourselves.

So like you, I want to adopt more practises to strengthen my sun child, my courage, my self-love, self-esteem and self-confidence to go face the world with.

All’s well. God bless to you and your loved ones too.