Opinions Are Subjective

In social interactions, opinions often emerge as windows into others’ beliefs and values. These exchanges can be fascinating or unsettling, especially when opinions are directed at us and are less than flattering.

“Initiating defence protocol”

In sci-fi action, iconic spaceships like the USS Enterprise activate defensive shields when under attack. These shields block physical threats, protecting the ship’s integrity. In social environments today, physical attacks are rare, but verbal ones, words that sting, can feel equally damaging.

“Sticks and Stones”

The childhood rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” instilled resilience early on. Yet as adults, words hurt because we permit them to. How we react often depends on whether we process criticism with self-compassion or succumb to self-criticism.

Consider these two reactions to critical feedback:

Apologizing with guilt: Taking fault unnecessarily and feeling burdened.
Apologizing with grace: Accepting responsibility where due, but maintaining self-worth.

The latter demonstrates self-compassion, an essential trait in facing opinions constructively.

An Event from Volunteering

During my time volunteering at a cat shelter, I encountered a situation that highlighted how subjective opinions can be. It was adoption day, and a cat was resisting capture for transport. Despite hours of effort, the cat dodged every attempt, frustrating everyone involved. The shelter owner, under stress, lashed out at a fellow volunteer, Jane, calling her a “stupid volunteer.”

Jane left early, visibly upset.

At that moment, I reflected on the situation.

Did the owner truly think Jane was incompetent? Likely not. The stress of the moment had triggered an outburst. But Jane’s departure made me question whether I wanted to continue volunteering there.

What did I learn?

Criticism, even harsh criticism, often says more about the speaker’s state of mind than the recipient’s actions. We can choose whether to internalize such negativity. By understanding this, I found it easier to navigate similar situations.

Opinions from the Workplace

In professional environments, the stakes are higher. Unlike volunteering, workplace opinions can directly impact your livelihood. Conflict, when mishandled, sows discord and undermines psychological safety. However, managing differing viewpoints effectively fosters growth and collaboration.

Here are some strategies for navigating workplace conflicts without defensiveness:

Assume Positive Intent: Start with the belief that criticisms are meant to improve outcomes, not attack character.
Acknowledge Concerns: Recognize the other person’s dissatisfaction without becoming defensive.
Clarify Context: Ask for specifics to ensure you understand their perspective accurately, check their intent to ensure you both have the same shared outcome
Apologize Without “But’s”: Acknowledge their feelings sincerely before offering remedies.
Create Lasting Solutions: Ensure the agreed resolution is implemented effectively, with an outcome you both agreed on, despite the approach.

Setting Boundaries

If conflict persists despite resolution efforts, it’s important to set boundaries. Politely but firmly address unacceptable behavior. For example, “I understand your frustration, but personal remarks are unproductive.” This approach preserves professionalism while safeguarding your self-respect.

If the other party still seems to harbour negative thoughts and picked on the same matter or other issues about you, we can re-examine if these are really your fault again from the steps above. If not, it is important to call out on your personal boundary to stop him/her from continuing this path.

Lessons from Past Leaders

Some of the best leaders I’ve worked with had short tempers but pure intentions. They might explode during meetings but would later laugh off their outbursts, showing they held no grudges. Their criticism, while harsh, was meant to push us toward growth – a refreshing contrast to those who undermine others covertly.

Some leaders also exhibit a huge amount of growth in their people’s self-reliance. They are trained to really coach on the your improvement, working with you on your thoughtfulness instead of pushing accountability or blames.

A Modern Workplace Challenge

Today, passive aggression often replaces open criticism. Gossips or complaints amongst inner circles can damage reputations and morale, especially if tangible results are yet to materialize. In such cases, it’s crucial to:

Document interactions and feedback for clarity and accountability
Focus on delivering measurable outcomes
Address concerns directly when possible

Parting Thoughts

Opinions are subjective, shaped by personal biases, stress, and context. Whether in social settings or the workplace, we can choose how to interpret and respond to them. By cultivating self-compassion, assuming positive intent, and setting clear boundaries, we navigate criticism with grace and resilience – transforming challenges into opportunities for growth.