We live, we love, we strive

Scouring through the titles on the bookshelves of “self-help” section, speed-reading the synopsis and the introduction, then running reviews check and ratings online before carrying a stack of 3-5 books to the cashier counter…

With eyes glued to the screen, clicking videos after videos on YouTube, taking notes and setting goals for the next week, next year and putting in to-do lists for the next day…

Eagerly waiting for the start date of the upcoming seminar that I’ve paid almost half of my monthly salary on, and so glad the trainer gave a discount and allowing me to pay in instalments…

Those are some of the moments I’ve been through in the past 9 years.

I wanted to grow. I wanted to be climbing the corporate ladder, to have someone from the top recognise my hard work, to see the value I contribute. I wanted to feel good about myself.

And I thought if I can get use some of the golden nuggets of advice, I can also be successful.

The self-help industry has seen different statistics of worth from $13b to $60b by 2028. But CAGR is more consistent with 5-6% year-on-year. Like all industry that have its own demand, the self-help industry feeds on one’s feeling of inadequacy, the need to grow and the need to be better, the need to always be doing something and to be productive.

“Be positive”

“Have a growth mindset”

“Hustle! Work hard!”

The addiction of finding a cure to ourselves, just so we seem better.

It wasn’t until the midst of the Covid-19 period, in the middle of my previous job before this, that I experienced how fake some of these self-proclaimed “leaders” or “gurus” are, and any deviation from the wants of these fake leaders was known to be “negative”, “defensive” or “not putting in enough effort” (mostly this comes down to spending time or money).

“Why haven’t I become better?“

If there are people who have been advancing through the corporate ladder, promoting through the ranks, why haven’t I? What was I not doing enough?

Success has been painted with the pictures of dangling cash, posh cars and luxury homes; The ideology of someone commanding the masses, that senior management title, that charismatic speaker or that social influencer with hundreds of sponsorships or ideal lifestyle.

For a long period of time, those were the items I pursued. I realised I was trying to be somebody who fits into the norms of being “successful”…

Until someone asked me why I would like to have that senior management title.

Until I took a course from my MBA in Managerial Psychology that shared about success in our own terms.

Until I asked myself “what does success really means to me?” and “why did it matter?“

“Sleep as long as you want … or get up early, if you want. It’s just not having to go somewhere or having someone else telling you what you have to do. Maybe you go to the gym … or not go to the gym. Maybe you have nine cups of coffee … or not.” – Matt LeBlanc

Not having to worry about anything or do anything without any consequences.

The self-help world will deem this as “lazy”, “inefficient” and “unproductive”, mostly.

Who cares?

What I’m advocating here is not about deterring any self-improvements with books, videos or seminars but really understand what it means to you without excessively indulging and not taking real actions with awareness.

This is why I prefer the learnings from stoicism. It’s not about purchasing another course, another book, working on another goal, another to-do task. It is about the virtues and guidance from ancient philosophies, practised and shared. Ryan Holiday’s “Obstacle is the Way” is by far one of my favourites and it is easy to read. Hope it helps you as it has helped me.