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Every now and then, we come across great reads that give you that “aha” moment. “The Advice Trap” by Michael Bungay Stanier does just that.

If you have ever been in the situation where you keep receiving advices or tempted to be giving advices (just because…), this book is perfect!

As part of my reflection journey, I realised I was constantly trying to give advices but it somehow gave me that empty feeling – It felt good for a while for “being smart”, but it did not last. Perhaps it is because the advices provided were not actually heeded and they continued on their path in what they initially thought of.

That made me wonder: “Why ask me in the first place?”

Michael Bungay Stanier provided enlightenment when he emphasized the importance of adopting a humble and curious mindset rather than providing advices and solutions, being in a personal development journey and more so as a leader. This takes away the ability of the other party to explore creative solutions.

I came across this awareness when my previous manager kept saying “If I were you, I would this do this or do that“. It made me feel like he just wants us to do things in the way he suggested, instead of empowering his people. It felt empty on the receiving end…

Instead, one can adopt more of a “coaching’ mindset by asking more questions and listening actively. This is critical! Listen actively. This is what make or break the relationship. Often we listen with the intention to reply, and that makes us fall into “The Advice Trap” all over again!

By becoming genuinely curious about the thoughts and perspectives of others, leaders can foster a culture of learning, growth, and independent thinking which empowers people towards collaboration and innovation. What I found very helpful on are the 7 essential coaching questions which can help create a safe and empowering environment for individuals to reflect or explore possibilities.

Michael Stanier also shared our common human characteristic of falling back into the same habit of advice-giving all over again because it is very easy to. I tried for a period and often I am still led into the temptation of giving advice.

That’s why his book provided practical strategies to break the habit of giving advice and shift towards a more coaching-oriented approach. He offered guidance on building these new habits, overcoming resistance to change, and embedding coaching practices into daily leadership interactions.

As part of my leadership development journey, “The Advice Trap” is definitely one of my top 5 books to continue going back to.